27 April 2017
Dear Best Friend,
I hope this letter finds you in complete health and absolute happiness. I am writing this letter since over the years there have been tons of unsaid things that were silenced or were too much to say even on that hours-long phone call or during the last time that we met or the one before that. As I write this letter, I am sitting in my office, all grown up, missing your company somehow, which, apologetically and honestly has never happened before.
I want to tell you so many things. I want to tell you about how I have started to read so much lately, about my new ventures, about that girl who made me feel alive, about my goals and ambitions that are, in all likelihood, materializing as I have always envisioned. I also want to tell you that I am not the same man that I used to be. I am not the person who entered your classroom for the first time with a lost expression on his face, the person you grew up with, the person you shared your classroom seat with all through your teenage years, the person you have always known. Just like the seasons of a year, just like the night metamorphosing into the day, just like trees shedding its leaves, oh, its beloved leaves, I have also changed to become only a better version of myself; at least I have tried, hard. But most of all, I want to tell you about the lessons I have learned.
Did I ever promise that I will call you regularly? Because if I did, then I have let you down miserably. I have broken my vow beyond redemption. I know we haven’t talked much in a very long time. I have my own reasons for it though. I was defining and constantly redefining my own philosophy of life. Then, when I thought I have a fair idea and understanding of what is it that I am looking for or who is it that I want to be, I ventured on towards living that faint idea. I tried to embody my own philosophy because believe it or not, in my most sincere opinion, we are liars; most, if not all of us. Have you ever observed how we say things we don’t mean and do things that we would hate if someone else was doing them? That, right there, that is what I was trying not to be and my beloved friend, it is easier said than done. The most brutal truth is that if you fail, you fail – miss is as good as a mile. Even I have lost quite a few battles, but I am sure I am getting prepared for the war.
I will try to keep it short. I know you’re not much of a reader and who would like to read all this anyway? Bear with me for just a little longer.
I was intentionally burning all the bridges and, ironically, that is what has brought me closer, inch by inch, to you, to this moment of climax. One thing that I believe the most in is that you have to be the wisest while choosing your company because everything has a cost and when it comes to your time, the cost is heavy. As I mentioned, I had a philosophy of life and I was living by it. Any person who didn’t fit in that definition was easily cut loose, without any remorse. The intention was simple (some would say selfish): if it’s not a constructive energy, it’s destructive; the wavelength had to resonate. As it turned out, not many people adhered to it. But don’t think I ever felt lonely or left out. I became more elated with every bridge that I burned. I started getting a better idea of what and who. I was deliberately building walls around me and I felt really, really secure and least vulnerable. One man can change the world, so I thought. I think that still. It has not changed and it will not.
Your company can make you or break you, my friend. Be really, really cautious when you have to decide who you spend your time with/on.
It is not so much a question of who understands you completely because I know it for a fact that no one can. How can someone do that anyway? Some people might come close, but all they are doing is trying (their best) to project their opinions (which are based on their experiences) onto your circumstances. They incessantly (try to) guess your state of mind but they can never know what something or someone means to you or how much that thing in question affects you; only you can know that. In fact, only you have to know that. My answer to all the problems was introspection followed by confrontation and when I became good at knowing myself, I didn’t feel the need of someone who would hear my problems out. I still don’t feel that need. What I thought was that if you truly know your emotions and what meaning something/one has in your life, why would you need someone else’s reiterated notion about the same thing, which – I can’t stress on this enough – is based on their experiences, not yours.
I am not saying I don’t need friends. I will never say that because they are the true and unyielding source of joy and happiness. All I am saying that if I don’t share my problems with you, don’t judge our friendship on that. Because I don’t think I will ever do that. I am sorry.
I am also sorry for extending this letter so much. I will quit typing now.
The next time I write to you, if at all, I will tell you about that girl. The girl I am sure I love. The girl who actually changed me to my core. She is the exact opposite of me, gladly so – the missing piece of my puzzle, just to add a little drama. She is like the fire in winters and the shade of a tree in summers. She gives me joy. I think I will call her now 😉
She is the one who broke that wall and made me realize yet another thing: love is the fuel that drives us. We hate to admit it, all of us, but we are all thirsty and hungry for love. It’s a drug we can never have enough of. If someone loves you, in any form that is, respect and honor them. Always.
Anyway, thank you for the absolute happiness and sticking by me for all these years. I promise I won’t let you down.
If you ever need me, I am just a thought away.
Always and Forever,
Your Friend, if not the best